LIFESTYLE INFORMATION

There are numerous ways of living an alternative sexual lifestyle that has recently been termed Ethical Non-monogamy (ENM). Under the ENM umbrella, there are many different variations, such as Hotwifing, Polyamory, Swinging, BDSM, etc. Today, I would like to talk about the one that I am the most familiar with...swinging.

I have been involved in the swinging lifestyle since 2011. When I first got involved in it as a single male, it was really hard because single males have a bad reputation. This is mainly because there are so many out there who just don't take the time to understand what this lifestyle is really all about. Unfortunately, too many of them think it is all just about getting laid. Luckily for me, I was able to get involved with some really good people from the beginning who were more than happy to take me under their wing and teach me what this lifestlyle is really all about.

Recently I was talking to a woman who was interested in learning more about the swinging lifestyle because it was something she had heard about and wanted to know more. She was referred to me by one of the members of a local swingers group that I run (a topic for a post on a different day). Before I set out to explain to her what the lifestyle was about, I wanted to know what she knew about it first, so I asked her. She told me that she thought it was about 2 couples getting together and swapping partners sexually. She also mentioned hearing something about a "key bowl".

Before I recall for you what I told her, please know that this is primarily MY definition of what I believe the swinging lifestyle is supposed to be about and is in no way meant to be a comprehensive definition. While her idea is indeed one possible aspect of the swinging lifestyle, there is more to it than just that.

So, I set out to explain to her that I believe the true meaning of the swinging lifestyle is about single men, single women, and couples living their lives free of the traditional societal norms and expectations regarding sex, sexuality, and monogamy without fear of judgment. This applies not only to sexual relationships with others, but also (and more importantly) to non-sexual relationships as well.

An important aspect of the swinging lifestyle that is important to understand is that there is no right or wrong way to go about it. For instance, there are couples that "play" with single men, there are couples who "play" with single women, there are couples who "play" with other couples. For the purposes of this discussion "play" means engaging in sexual activities with someone who is not your significant other. Playing can be done with either "soft swap" (only foreplay with the others (no intercourse) or "full swap" (play that involves intercourse with another person). Playing can occur in the same room (both members of a couple are in the same room at the same time) or separate rooms (each member of a couple is in a separate room at the same time). There are couples where the woman is predominantly the one plays around, there are couples where the man is predominantly the one who plays around, there are couples where both the man and woman play at the same time, and there are variations of them all. The idea is that everyone involved does what works for them and what they are comfortable with at the time. One of the things I tell people about the swinging Lifestyle is that there is no right way or wrong way to go about it, there is only YOUR way.

One of the other questions I get asked by those interested in the Lifestyle is why do it in the first place. So here are MY thoughts on that. Most of the people in this lifestyle believe that there doesn't necessarily have to be a direct connection between love and sex. In other words, sex can be about the physical satisfaction of the experience and that sex does not need to involve deep romantic feelings.

Additionally, I do not believe it should be reasonable to think that one person can realistically satisfy ALL of one person's needs or desires. This true about both sexual and non-sexual needs and desires, which is why we all have friends outside of our significant others (SO). Each one of those friends brings us a different need or desire that we just can't get from our SO. In no way does that means that our SO or our relationship with our SO is lacking in any way. It should be reasonable to extend that thinking to sexual desires or sexual needs. If you SO cannot satisfy all of your sexual desires or needs, it shouldn't mean that you have to give them up and never have them satisfied. So with open and honest communication, those in the swinging Lifestyle are able to satisfy the sexual desires or needs that their SO may not be able to or may not want to satisfy. On top of all that, no one person knows everything there is to know about se or has all the same sexual abilities as everyone else. So, another benefit to being allowed to have sexual experiences with others is learning new things or new techniques that you can then bring back into your primary relationship to make it better.

So far, everything I have talked about revolves around sex and, as mentioned, the swinging Lifestyle is about more than just sex. For me, and my wife, the more significant benefit of being in the Lifestyle is the friendships we have made with other like-minded, non-judgmental people. With our lifestyle friends, we can truly be ourselves without fear of judgement. We have also found that our lifestyle friends are the ones who are more likely to be there for us when we need them and we are more likely to be there for them because of the unique bond we share with them, whether or not sex is involved.

LIFESTYLE INFORMATION LINKS

Click on the following links for more information.

Swingers Help
Swingers Newbie Guide
Swinging 101
Swingers Lifestyle